Senate goes into the gutter

This thing you're reading here is a family publication, even if it does deal with the dirty business of politics.

And that is why we can't tell you the title of Senate Bill 235. Nor, for that matter, can we tell you what the bill does without veering sharply into euphemisms about monkeys, flagpoles or sausages.

But darned if the rowdier members of the junior high class that is the state Senate didn't make poor Sen. Bob Bacon get up in front of the chamber this morning and explain it.

His bill – it expands the definition of criminal public indecency to include “these types of activities,” as Bacon delicately explained it on the floor – had been scheduled for the consent calendar, meaning it would have been approved along with a slate of other bills and without an individual reading. But, after Republicans went around the room daring each other, Sen. Shawn Mitchell, R-Broomfield, went to the microphone and moved that the bill be taken off the calendar and given its own hearing.

So Bacon, a kindly 72-year-old Democrat from Fort Collins who used to be a teacher, quietly walked to the lectern and tried to explain his bill over the snickers from the other Senators.

“It is a reasonable attempt to maintain public decency,” he said.

And he was not amused.

“There are places for mirth,” Bacon said. “I don't think the Colorado state Senate is a good place for scatological humor. It reminds me of my days teaching junior high.”

Which, of course, only encouraged the other Senators more, and they proceeded to take turns trying to one-up each other with suggestive statements.

“Is there anybody who wants to touch this bill?” Sen. Bob Hagedorn, an Aurora Democrat who was chairing the session, asked.

“I was wondering why Sen. Mitchell pulled this from the consent calendar,” Senate Majority Leader Ken Gordon, D-Denver, said.

"”I realize that approaching this bill is a solitary endeavor,” Mitchell said. “But it is one that will ultimately afford satisfaction.”

Hagedorn called the vote.

“I would almost like to ask for a show of hands,” he said.

The bill passed with a voice vote.

But once the giggle loop had started, it was tough to stop.

Gordon moved the standard motion for the Senate to “rise and report.”

More snickers.

“It's a proper motion!” Hagedorn mock protested.

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